Raising awareness for the orphan is something I loooove to do! But when it comes to fundraising, I think it's hands down the worst part of a mission trip. People have been telling me that maybe it's a sign that God doesn't want me in Ethiopia right now, maybe I'm moving too fast. And these are people I respect and trust. But surprisingly I have felt nothing but the opposite.
The roadblocks and stress just remind me how I was built to do this. It shows me that this is exactly what He wants me to be doing. Every time I hit another roadblock it just fuels the fire. Yes, it might be harder to get there than I want it to be, but I'm not going to give in. He set my heart on fire and no amount of stress will put that fire out. I will not despair, He's going to get me there.
I'm so glad that it's God's plan and not my own because if it were my plan I would be there right now without any hardship. And without that hardship, I would have not seen this passion grow, and get more intense. I'm not content to stay here and talk everyone's head off with my passion, I want to do something with that passion. I want to be there, I want to love them. I want to be so completely spent each night from pouring everything I have into these children's lives and wake up the next morning with joy knowing I get to do it all over again.
In the midst of all this awful, stressful, fundraising something beautiful is happening: He is creating an unbreakable passion for His mission. With ever nock down I just want to get back up faster. With every disappointment I just want to get right back up on my feet again. I don't want to give up. Haha, how weird is that? I spent most of my life just giving up.
Part of me feels like no one can understand this desire I have because they don't understand my relationship with Jesus, what He's done for me. They weren't there when He called me to love them, they don't know the weight of this gift. Or how specifically He has designed me for this. How can they know? But I'm sure there are many before me who have felt the exact same way.
This journey has been full of joy too. So many people have come around us. They have not just supported us but encouraged us. Our church's outpouring of love and passion has been so beautiful to see. This past sunday one of the little girls from my sunday school class came up to me and told me that she was going to sell her homemade donuts and give all the money to me for my trip to Ethiopia..... I mean how amazing is that. There are few things I love more than when God works through children and fills them with His passion for the poor and needy.
The best part is that He is here every step of the way. The same God who put me on this crazy, scary, amazing path is going to complete what He started. And that is one of the most beautiful promised, that I get to walk with Him every step of the way. He's the reason the desire to love the orphans is there in the first place. If you take Him out of the picture, you won't find me loving the orphan. But He is with me. He will be with me through every frustrating night, and for every joyful morning.
So I'm going to keep singing till He gets me back where I need to be...
"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful"
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