True Story From Ethiopia

An entry directly from my journal while staying in Ethiopia!

July 30, 2012

We travelled to the slums today.  Playing with the kids was fun.  Some of the girls were obsessed with my hair.  They tugged so hard, yet it made me so incredibly happy.  I fell in love with this one little girl.  I held her and tickled her.  Her smile was killer.  She had long lashes and "rosy" cheeks.  When she smiled and laughed my heart could stop beating.  Then we were leaving for a little while to do home visits (At the time I didn't know we were going back after the home visits) and every time I would put her down to leave she would want to be picked up again.  It broke my heart.  I thought I would never get the chance to hold her again.  Finally, I set her down and kissed her forehead.  Then she pulled on my arm and I bent down to hug her.  She kissed my cheek then held my hand as I headed out the door. One of the workers pulled her away so that I could leave.  I didn't want to though.  

The first home we visited was an old woman with leprosy and four other people in this tiny home.  Then we went to a home of a man with leprosy and nine children.  The last home we went to was a woman with six kids.  These people are living in the slums but they were confessing their faith with such confidence.  It was amazing and humbling.  Despite their conditions the people trust in Jesus.  When we prayed for them, they insisted that they pray for us.  They showed me so much of Christ.  I have never seen Christ like this before.  It was so beautiful.

After home visits we went back to play with the kids.  I was looking for my little girl but couldn't find her when all of a sudden she comes out of the building and spots me.  Her face brightens up and she runs to me with that killer smile.  I pick her up and tickle her.  She giggles that unforgettable giggle.  Then I sat with her on the wall that was against the building.  She would look up at me with that huge smile and big, teary eyes.  Between the smile and the tears I could not contain my emotions.  Broken, yet again!  She put her head on my chest and just rested there for a good thirty minutes.  I miss her so much!  I so badly want to hold her again.

When Words Aren't Enough

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

Not many people can say that they haven't had much sorrow in their life.  I've had a pretty happy life that didn't contain much sorrow.  I've been lucky I suppose.  Or God just protected me from so much! There has been maybe three times I've been in such agony that I didn't think I would ever see laughter again.  One was before I was saved and even then God held me through it.  The second has been ongoing but God has given me hope and comfort.  Those past two seem like nothing anymore.  God has made me really strong through them.  I can see how he has made me tough.  It taught me to trust him and pray for his will to be done.

 But right now, I have never felt such pain.  It almost passes out growing up being misunderstood by my family.  It passes out the screaming fights between the people I love.  I knew God was in control in those situations.  Soon after the hurtful part of it,  I saw how he used it for my good.  They say is gets better with time but each day feels worse in this new situation.  I'm so frustrated with confusion and not knowing what happened.  It is seriously the hardest thing for me to not understand.  I like understanding and I like answers but I'm simply not gonna get them this time and that hurts. This is definitely the most I've ever needed to cling to Jesus.

 I am comforted by the fact that I am definitely God's daughter because if I was not I would have fallen away due to this pain.  Clinging to Jesus when all I want to do is run is the best comfort I know.  Even when I want to run He reminds me that there is absolutely nothing greater than being in his arms.  God has not left me alone in this.  I can't see what he is doing but he IS keeping me from falling away.  Now I see what he means when he says he will keep me to the end.  

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.  Psalm 139:7-10

He is the only one who can satisfy in such pain.  The pain may not, necessarily, go away but the comfort of being in Christ transcends all understanding.  So I don't have answers; I may never get them but I have joy because I am the daughter of a King that loves so unfathomably.  He has brought nothing but good things from the few painful situations I've been through and he has taught me that the joy I have comes from him.  So either way, in pain or happiness, I rejoice in an unchanging, wonderful, loving, gracious, merciful and good God.

and just because I found this verse both (kinda) funny and comforting....

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9

When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When all seems lost
When we're thrown and we're tossed
We'll remember the cost
We're resting in the
Shadow of the cross